


Toxic Love

by aftermathangel



Category: Adam Lambert (Musician)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-11
Updated: 2017-07-11
Packaged: 2018-01-11 23:05:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 8
Words: 6,284
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1179018
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aftermathangel/pseuds/aftermathangel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bruises cover Sauli's body and terror fill his nights but he doesn't dare to tell anyone ESPECIALLY Adam. It would kill him if he knew. Night after night he continues to put up the abuse in order to keep the one he loves the most safe. But when will enough be enough?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. He Was Different ... He Was Evil

** Sauli **

I was curled up on the couch sleep deprived and achy. The fresh purple bruise on my chest causing waves of discomfort. The bedroom door opened and Adam stepped out yawning.

“Good morning baby.”

“Morning …” I mumbled straightening out a bit. I sat there quiet until he walked over snuggling me against him which caused me to yelp out in agony. He jumped backward with a look of alarm on his face.

“Sauli what’s wrong?!?”

“Nothing … it’s nothing.” Of course he didn’t believe me and lifted my shirt gasping when he saw what was hidden underneath.

“THAT doesn’t look like nothing Sauli. What happened?!?”

“I got attacked at the club last night. It’s nothing … I was just in the wrong place at the wrong time. It’s not a big deal.” I crossed my arms just wanting the 3rd degree to stop … I hated when I was cornered for information by anyone.

“Do you know who attacked you?” Adam questioned softly after awhile, trying to break the awkward tension in the air.

“No … I didn’t get a good look at him … it was too dark.”

He went to pull me onto his lap and I stiffened up a bit. He noticed and tenderly kissed my cheek.

“It’s ok Sauli … nobody is going to hurt you. I won’t let anyone hurt you … promise.”

I sighed and relaxed a bit against him. If only he was right about not letting anyone hurt me. All too soon he retreated into the basement to work in his studio leaving me alone upstairs. I slowly walked into my room getting my shirt caught on the splintered doorframe. After tugging it free I walked inside and just laid down on my bed. I had spent a lot of time in here lately vs. in our shared bedroom. Adam had been so busy with writing this new cd that at times I felt that he didn’t even have time for me. He wasn’t the same Adam I had met that night in Helsinki that’s for sure and it terrified me. Nighttime came and Adam walked into my bedroom with a small smile.

“Hey sunshine … I’m going to go out for drinks with Tommy and the guys for a little bit.”

Fear filled my face and I quickly grabbed his hand holding it tightly. “Please don’t go? Stay with me Addy … please.”

“I’ll only be gone 2 hours. I need their input on these new songs.”

“I’ll give you input I’ll listen to everything … just please don’t go!”

I was clinging to him practically begging him not to leave me but he simply smoothed back my hair and kissed my forehead.

“I already told them I’d be there Sauli. I guess you can come with too if you want?”

“No … I don’t want to.”

“I’ll be back by midnight … I promise.”

I clung to him but he tenderly pried me from his torso and soon I heard the door shut behind him. I immediately put the deadbolt on the door and locked both locks. I curled up in the corner terror apparent on my face … just waiting. Somehow I managed to fall asleep but I was woken up by the front door slamming open. I let out a muffled whimper and soon there was banging at the bedroom door and a mocking toned voice followed.

 _“Sawlee … I know you’re in there. Don’t think you can hide from me.”_ I ignored it and hid in the closet burying myself in a pile of clothes. _“Sawlee … open the door honey. I won’t hurt you, I just want to say hello.”_

He pushed his weight against the door and I could hear the sickening clang of the lock giving way. The door busted inward and Adam walked into the room. I could hear footsteps coming toward the closet and the door swung open. He smiled at me and tilted his head to the side as he easily spotted me.

 _“Well there you are Sawlee … come on out. Don’t be shy!”_ He grabbed my arm harshly yanking me out of the closet making me slam to the floor on my chest. I sobbed and he took his booted foot and pressed it into my back making me scream in agony. _“You know I don’t like it when I call for you and you don’t come!!! You need to be taught a lesson Sawlee.”_ He hissed menacingly as he threw me on the bed where he proceeded to rape me. The pain was excruciating and I just cried thru it praying that he would soon get tired of the torture … that he would soon give up. He came inside me and pulled out harshly grabbing my cock and yanking on it.

“Next time you’ll get aroused like I TELL YOU TOO!!!”

He punched me right in the jaw and left the room slamming the door behind him. I just laid there sobbing why did the man I love more than anything have to do this to me? This man wasn’t Adam though … not my Adam. He was different … he was evil.


	2. I Needed To Do This Right

** Adam **

I woke up as the first rays of sunlight shone in my bedroom window. Another where that Sauli wasn’t sleeping next to me I hated being so distanced from him. I walked down the hall and saw him sleeping in his room … he looked so completely at peace. I had to leave until midafternoon but I couldn’t bear to wake him just to say goodbye. Before I left I quick wrote a note for him and told him I loved him and would be back around 3:30-4pm. It was a decent drive to San Diego but I needed to do this right if I was going to do it. I pulled up in front of a tan building and walked inside. The man behind the jewelry counter smiled and reached out his hand in greeting.

“Mr. Lambert … it’s so good to see you again.”

“You as well … but you can call me Adam I don’t mind.” The man smiled and reached into a back showcase retrieving a small black box. He handed it to me and I opened it. It was everything I hoped for and then some … THE perfect ring for Sauli. It was white gold with an onyx band down the center. I smiled and shook the man’s hand. “It’s perfect … thank you so much.”

“You’re so welcome Adam. Got the nerves yet?”

“Oh yeah … I had to go out with my friends last night to calm myself and to help me with a video I made for him.”

“Well best of luck to you Adam. You’re a great guy and he’s lucky to have someone like you.”

“Well thank you. Have a wonderful day Mr. Wilson.”

I smiled and left the shop and slowly drove to my mom’s house. It was only about 10 minutes from the shop but it felt like it took an hour to get there. I pulled up out front and walked over knocking on the door. A moment later the door opened and my mom could immediately see that I was off.

“Adam … what’s wrong? Come in …” I walked inside and sat next to her on the couch. My hand was in my pocket and I pulled out the box showing it to my mom. She opened it and smiled the joy radiating on her face. “You’re going to propose?!? Oh Adam I’m so happy for you.”

“You think he’ll like it?” I questioned suddenly needing reassurance that I was doing this the right way. I wanted everything to be perfect.

“I think he’ll love it. Oh my beautiful boy you’re a nervous wreck.” Tears splashed down my cheeks as I wrapped my arms around my mom. She just patted my back and held me tightly. “Hey calm down … nothing for you to be nervous about.”

“Someone attacked him the other night outside of the club he was at. I feel like I should’ve been there and stopped it. I feel like it’s my fault he got hurt.”

“Is he ok? It’s not you’re fault Adam you can’t feel that way. You can’t protect him 24/7 that would be suffocating. That’s not fair either. Why don’t you get home to him so he’s not alone? I’m sure your being there makes him feel 100% better.”

I nodded and with one last hug and kiss I started the drive back.  


	3. I Miss This

** Sauli **

When I woke up my face felt like it was on fire every last inch of skin throbbed with intense agony. I took a shower and quickly coated the growing bruise in makeup to mask it. I didn’t want anyone to see it and ask questions requiring answers I wasn’t ready to give. I noticed that Adam was gone and sighed … I missed the way things were when he wasn’t writing. How we could just do whatever we wanted anytime we wanted. We could sleep late and just cuddle in bed with nothing better to do than spend the afternoon lazily, enjoying each other’s company. That was before he changed … before this monster took over. I wasn’t quite sure what caused him to change but I thought it might be alcohol. I had wondered why all of a sudden though … it didn’t make sense. It was then I realized that he had secretly started taking anti-anxiety meds. Somehow they were screwing with his brain and making him become someone he wasn’t. I didn’t want to tell him … I knew it would crush him to even think of himself hurting me this badly. I had tried to get him to stay away from alcohol which sometimes worked but of course with all the stress he was under sometimes he just wanted to go unwind. It was almost as if I was asking for the pain … and in some ways it felt nice to get some kind of attention from him. I could always tell when he turned his eyes glowed bright yellow and he always called me Sawlee. Any other time I knew I was safe … I knew my Addy wouldn’t harm one hair on my head. I walked into the kitchen to get some lunch and noticed a note on the fridge.

Sauli,

Had to go to San Diego for the early afternoon. I’ll be home around 3pm ok? Don’t leave the house we’re going to have a night in just the two of us. You deserve that baby for how distant I’ve been. I love you so much Sauce

Addy

I smiled a bit and gently folded the note putting it in a basket on the table. Sure enough around 3pm the door unlocked and Adam walked inside and straight over to me. He tenderly scooped me up and sat me on his lap allowing me to snuggle in close.

“Hey Addy …”

“Hey Sauli … how are you feeling?” He questioned his eyes wide and caring.

“Better now that you’re here.” I just laid against his chest hearing the thumping of his heartbeat which was at an increased frequency. I turned toward him and gently caressed his cheek. “What’s the matter?”

“Long day … just a little anxious I guess.” He rubbed at his arm as if he was trying to scrub something away. One of his little nervous ticks that I had picked up on.

“Anything I can do to make you feel better?”

“Just stay here … it helps just having you close.” I nuzzled up against his neck and carefully kissed it. I knew I had to be careful because any little bump to my jaw would cause me to react. Adam smiled at me and ran his fingers thru my hair. “I miss this … so much.”

“Me too Addy, I’ve felt so alone …” The words spilled out before I thought and I could see the heartbreaking look on his face as his eyes filled with tears. I immediately brought my hand to his face lightly brushing them away. “No baby don’t cry … you’ve been busy it’s ok. It’s your job Adam … I understand. Please don’t cry …” He leaned in and started kissing me. It hurt but I was able to keep things under control and stop myself from crying out. I was hoping that he wouldn’t want sex because my ass was raw from the night before. Sure enough things started getting a bit hot and heavy and even I wanted more. I stopped him and gently smoothed back his hair. “No sex baby … the bruising.”

“Sorry sunshine …” I laid down on his chest and placed kisses across his neck lovingly. I slid his shirt off and laid down on his bare skin feeling the safest I had in weeks. “I’m going to make you dinner tonight. Make you feel as special as you make me feel.”

“Really Addy … _you’re_ gonna cook?”

“Hey I’m not _THAT_ bad.” He whined dramatically pouting until I giggled and kissed his lips lightly biting at his bottom one.

“I can help you if you want … we could do it together. Like old times.”

Adam smiled at me and nodded setting me down off his lap so he could stand. I was holding his shirt so he reached out for it. Playfully I shook my head no and snuggled it in my arms.

“You’re a weirdo it’s all sweaty.”

“But it’s you … it smells like you.”

“I’m right here Sauli … I’m always right here.”

I walked over and wrapped my arms around him before handing him his shirt.

“I love you so much …” I whispered my head buried in his chest inhaling his scent.

“And I love you my sunshine. Come on let’s go start dinner.”


	4. You're My Best Friend

** Adam **

We had just finished dinner and I had carried Sauli into the living room as he giggled. It was amazing seeing him act like himself again. He was the Sauli I had fallen in love with … not the frightened meek one I’d seen lately. I sat him down on the couch and kissed his forehead retrieving the dvd I had made. The dvd was full of pictures of us from the day we met till now set with a bunch of songs like ‘Nirvana’ and ‘You’re My Best Friend’. At the end I paused it and turned next to Sauli who had a tear running down his cheek. I took his hand in mine and smiled at him.

“Sauli … you know I love you more than anything right?”

“Of course I do …”

“You mean the world to me Sauli Eerik Koskinen, you are the air I breathe, the songs I sing, the sun in my sky. Without you there is no me. I would do ANYTHING for you, I’d give up EVERYTHING for you. Will you make me the happiest man on earth by agreeing to be my husband?”

I pulled out the ring and got down on one knee waiting for his response. He just sat there in complete and utter shock … he wasn’t quite sure what to think. Suddenly his arms wrapped around me and he rapidly shook his head yes. I smiled back and slid the ring on his finger. He gave me a seductive look and took my ear lobe in his mouth lightly sucking on it.

“Let’s go upstairs and celebrate.”

“But your bruises … you said you couldn’t.” I frowned gently rubbing my hand. I was SO protective over my babe never wanting to see him in pain.

“I wasn’t 100% honest … it’s not so much the bruises causing me pain. Last night when you came home we had sex … no lube, no prep.”

“Oh Sauli … I’m so sorry I don’t even remember. Why didn’t you stop me?”

“I wanted it too … it’s ok we can still try. I trust you, I know you won’t hurt me.”

My sweet angel smiled at me and I just melted. I wouldn’t even think about harming a hair on his pretty little head.


	5. That Wasn't Me

** Sauli **

I was laying naked on our bed when Adam walked back in the room stripping off his remaining clothing.

“If it hurts at all, I mean even a little, you tell me and I’ll stop ok?” I nodded and he proceeded to start to stretch me a bit. It hurt _a lot_ but I was able to tolerate it. He inserted another finger and I grimaced but this time Adam noticed. “Baby these are only my fingers and if they’re causing you that much discomfort …” I kissed him to shut him up inserting my tongue into his mouth. He hummed his appreciation and after a few minutes pulled away. “Are you sure?”

“Yes Addy … I’m sure.” He slowly inserted himself inside me and as right as it felt was how much pain I was in. I wanted this more than anything though … I needed this. It didn’t take long for him to explode inside me and he finished me off in no time flat. After he was playfully biting at my neck as I arched it backward giving him better access. “Mmmm fuck soo sexy baby.”

“So you like this …” He smirked teasingly dragging his tongue across my dampened flesh. God it felt amazing.

He continued and after a few minutes I felt a painful jab on the skin and warm stickiness running down my neck. “Oww Adam … that hurt.”

I felt his tongue licking up the spilt blood and he pulled away staring into my eyes. The blue orbs I could trust were no longer there … they were replaced by jewel yellow ones. I gasped and struggled underneath him but he easily overpowered me.

“ _What’s the matter Sawlee … I won’t hurt you my precious_.” He stuck his tongue inside my mouth and I bit at it. It didn’t take long for me to realize that was NOT the smartest thing for me to do. He wrapped his hands around my throat and started choking me. “ _DON’T YOU EVER FUCKING DO THAT AGAIN YOU UNGRATEFUL LITTLE BASTARD!!”_

I sputtered and choked trying to catch my breath and suddenly Adam made a wretched noise and his eyes slowly turned back to the peaceful blue. He realized what he was doing and immediately let go jumping backward in alarm. As soon as I caught my breath I bolted into my room and hid behind the bed. This was the first time that alcohol hadn’t prompted that monster to come out and I was afraid he’d return. I had a mirror on the wall and I could see the black and blue imprint of his hands etched on my flesh and I felt sick to my stomach. My chest burned from the lack of oxygen and it hurt to take deep breaths. I just sat there sobbing … what was I going to do? Adam walked into the room and I cowered in the corner. He slowly walked over a look of confused terror on his face.

“Sauli … I’m sorry. I don’t know what happened … that wasn’t me I promise.”

“I know … it … wasn’t.” I stammered the tears coming hard and heavy down my face.

“What do you mean you know?’ It only took a few moments of silence for him to come to the conclusion all on his own. “You mean all these bruises … are from me? You didn’t want sex last night … did you?” I shook my head no and he reached over gently touching my arm. I immediately recoiled in terror … Adam’s heart shattered in a million pieces. “I’m going to go get help … there has to be something wrong.”

“You … you can’t.” He had started making his way to the door and he turned around with a curious look on his face. “If you go … they’ll put you … in jail. I don’t … want that.”

He walked back over toward me and I allowed him to sit down next to me.

“You’d rather be hurt by me than have me sit in jail?”

“Of course … I love you. I know that’s not … really you. You’d never hurt me.” I looked into his oceanic eyes and allowed myself to snuggle against him. “I think it’s those damn pills …”

“You know about the pills?!?” He mumbled embarrassed avoiding looking me in the eyes. It damn near broke my heart.

“I saw them on the table a few weeks ago. You should’ve told me … I could’ve tried to help.”

He was quiet for quite a few minutes the only noise in the room was him lightly dragging his nails across the wooden nightstand.

“Sauli,” He said quietly breaking the stillness in the air “how do you know when I change?”

“Your eyes … they’re yellow, and you call me Sawlee. It usually only happens when you drink …”

“That’s why you’ve been begging me not to!?! I’m so sorry Sauli …”

I looked up into his eyes and he just collapsed into a pile of sobbing mess. I sat there rubbing his back … I couldn’t be afraid of him … it wasn’t him, I knew my Addy wouldn’t hurt me. I pulled him up and snuggled myself on his lap melting against him. He gently held me sobbing on my shoulder.

“I love you Adam …” I murmured my head pressed against his neck, breath dragging across his flesh. He gently pulled me away from him looking me in the eyes frightened.

“No I don’t want you to love me Sauli. I hurt you …”

“That’s not you Adam … you wouldn’t harm one hair on my head.”

“You need to go away from me for a while. I need you safe while I get taken care of. I’ll say that I’ve just become angry … I won’t tell them I hurt you if you don’t want me to. Even though I think I should …”

“NO! I don’t want you to Addy please?”

“Alright … ok. Why don’t you just leave for Finland early you were planning on going next month anyway?

“I’m going to miss you …” Slowly I walked over burying myself in his arms again trying to engrain his scent into my nose so I wouldn’t forget it. He rested his head on my shoulder his breath dragging across my ear.

“And I’ll miss you.”


	6. I'll Never Leave Your Side

** Sauli **

I hadn’t heard from Adam in a few months other than a couple short emails telling me that he loved me and asking I not call him. That he was working with doctors on his problems. I was getting worried so I decided to call up Adam’s mom Leila who he had let in on everything. She was devastated for the both of us and she was shocked that I still loved and wanted to marry him. I pulled out my phone and dialed her number … after a few moments she answered.

_“Hello?”_

_“Hi Leila.”_

_“Oh … hi Sauli.”_ Her voice sounded so broken and battered … like she had been thru hell.

_“What’s wrong?”_

_“I’m not supposed to tell you but … Adam isn’t doing well. He has a brain tumor … that’s why he had the violent outbursts. He’s still having them and they’re random. It’s so scary … they have his arms and legs strapped down to the bed. I can’t bear to see him … like that.”_

_“Will … he get better?”_

_“They don’t know … and sometimes the personality changes stay due to the damage caused by the tumors.”_

_“I need to come see him … what if he doesn’t make it. I can’t live with not seeing my fiancé again … I just can’t.”_

There was a long pause before she spoke up again.

_“I’ll pay for your plane ticket ok sweetheart.”_

_“I have one of Adam’s credit cards that he told me to use if I needed anything.”_

_“Ok … then I guess I’ll see you soon then. Travel safe Sauli.”_

It seemed like it took A LOT longer than 14.5 hours to get back to LA but I was there and that’s all that mattered. I made my way over to the hospital and got directions to Adam’s room. I walked inside and he was asleep his arms and legs tightly strapped to the bed to the point they were starting to dig into his skin. His head was completely buzzed only dark fuzz still on his head. I walked over and gently caressed his cheek. In his sleep he nuzzled his face up against it and my heart broke for him … my poor baby. I left my luggage in the room and made my way downstairs to grab something to eat seeing as I hadn’t eaten since I left Finland. When I got back up to the room Adam was awake. When he set eyes on me he started crying. I ran over and he just sobbed harder.

“Please … you have to leave …”

“No baby … I’m here Addy. I’ll never leave your side no matter what.” I walked over and gently kissed his forehead brushing away the tears streaming down his face. “I love you Adam Mitchel Lambert. Always and forever baby.”

“I love you Sauli Eerik Koskinen ….” I gently hugged him and he sobbed the tears streaming down his cheeks. “I want to hug you … so bad.”

“Why don’t I take these off … they’re hurting you.”

I made a movement to take them off and his eyes grew wide with terror. “No!!! You can’t!!! They can’t control me Sauli. I don’t want to accidentally hurt you … again.”

I rested my head on his chest and held his hand. We didn’t say much but there was no place I’d rather be. It was about 2 hours later when I could feel his muscles tense up. I looked up at him as he started writhing around on the bed. His eyes glazed yellow and he gave me a smirk.

_“Sawlee … you came back to me. My beautiful Finn … I missed you.”_

I decided to try to do what this thing wanted for once … he was still Adam after all. Maybe that would help him become one? I leaned in and started kissing him. He groaned and slipped his tongue into my mouth. It only lasted about 5 minutes until I gently pulled away gently caressing his face afterward. The fire in his yellow eyes dimmed and even though they stayed that color there was something peaceful about them.

“Please don’t hurt him anymore … please. He’s everything to me … you both are.”

_“He is me you know … I am him. His dark half, I hadn’t learned to control my temper yet and for that I’m sorry.”_

He went to move and winced the leather straps bruising his tender skin. I gently reached over and slipped the strap off his left arm where I was and he stretched it enjoying the freedom of motion. He looked at me and moved his arm toward my face. I used to cower when he was near me but I sensed he wouldn’t hurt me this time and I was right. His hand rested on my cheek as I nuzzled against it.

“My poor baby … I just want you better.”

_“I am better Sauli … I’ll be ok.”_

“You said my name right …” I undid the other arm strap and he just smiled at me looking absolutely exhausted. “You rest baby … I’m right here I won’t leave you.”

He drifted back off to sleep as I carefully removed his leg restraints. The doctor came back in the room and started SCREAMING at me.

“ARE YOU CRAZY!?! HE MUST STAY RESTRAINED!!!!”

The doctor went to put the straps back on when Adam woke up his eyes full of yellow fire. He went to slam the doctor backward and I got in between them.

“No Addy stop. I won’t let him strap you back up but you can’t do this. Now lie back down and relax.” Surprisingly he calmed down and his muscles relaxed. The doctor looked at me with disbelief on his face. “I don’t want him strapped anymore ok? If you don’t treat him like some kind of animal he won’t act like one.”

“Ok as long as you can keep him calm.” The doctor hooked up a medication to the IV and connected the tubing.

He left the room and I looked over at Adam. His golden orbs glistened and he reached out his arms for me pulling me in close. With his free arm that didn’t have anything connected he started rubbing my back lovingly. I laid next to him in the bed and peacefully snuggled against him falling fast asleep. I woke up to Adam moving around and sat up. His eyes were back to his normal blue and he looked at me with terror.

“Sauli why am I unstrapped!?! I’m going to hurt you.”

“No you won’t baby … it’s ok.” I smiled kissing his lips thankful that he was right next to me safe.  

“How do you know for sure?”

“Because you changed … I kissed you and you apologized for hurting me. You went to go after the doctor and I told you to calm down and relax.”

He stiffened up extending an arm to get me to stop talking.

“Why are you saying you? I’m not doing this …”

“He’s part of you … just like you’re part of him. It’s just a side of you that couldn’t control himself. I don’t have to worry now baby … I can be with you.” Adam didn’t say anything he just stared at me running his fingers thru my hair. I just laid back down and kissed at his neck. “Are you feeling ok?”

“Yeah … are you sure that this … I won’t hurt you?”

“Yes baby … I’m sure. Can you tell when you change?”

“Yeah … my muscles tense up when he takes over.”

“Does it hurt?”

“No … he doesn’t hurt me. Just blocks me from coming back most of the time.” He stayed quiet but then he gently lifted up my face. “Sunshine ….?”

I leaned upward looking him straight in the eyes. “Yeah?”

“Do you like him?”

“I like you … all of you. It’s simple as that.”


	7. You Spoil Me Rotten

** Adam **

I woke up to Sauli walking in our bedroom with a tray filled with breakfast foods. I smiled sleepily and allowed him to feed me.

“You spoil me rotten baby …” I mumbled chewing on the last bite of scrambled egg.

“You deserve it Addy. The doctor called earlier … they don’t see any signs of the tumor on the scan.” You’re gonna get better baby.” He straddled my waist and slowly lowered himself to snuggle on my bare chest. “Feel up for some kisses?”

“Always baby.”

He started kissing me as our tongues intertwined fighting for dominance. I could feel this other half trying to take over for the last 3 months Sauli had been with me but I was able to hold him back. But right then he was fighting hell hard and I lost it as he took over complete control. _Sauli pulled away and upon seeing my golden eyes formed a smile on his face. It was amazing to not have him be filled with fear like before. I reached up and caressed his face as he snuggled against me._

_“I missed you … I missed you so much. He’s been holding me back … I just wanted to touch you, to kiss you.”_

_Sauli looked at me not knowing what to say as he tenderly kissed across my chest. For the first time ever I felt tears spilling down my cheeks. He noticed and leaned upward in alarm._

_“Adam … what’s wrong?”_

_“You don’t understand how … awful it is to be separated like this, two halves of the same whole.”_

_His fingers caressed my cheek and for even a slight moment if felt as though everything was right with the world. He had a way of making that so._

_“Is there anything I can do to help?”_

_“You have to get him to accept me … to not hold me back. You have to make him realize that I’m not evil just dark … everyone has a dark side.”_

_Sauli reached up and started kissing me again … it felt like my nerves were on fire with all the electricity coursing thru them. I could feel my erection growing and I groaned. Sauli could obviously tell and started gently grinding against me. I pulled away and looked him in the eyes letting out a whimper._

_“Do you think you … can?”_

_I nodded as Sauli slowly kissed his way down toward the waistband of my sweats. He looked up at me with loving eyes and slowly slid them off tossing them on the floor next to the bed. He slowly took me in his mouth working his magic. I thought I would die … it felt AMAZING. He could tell I was getting close so he stopped and got up walking into the bathroom. A moment later he walked into the room and slowly inserted my rock hard cock inside of him sliding down. His moans were like music to my ears and watching him slide up and down was amazingly sexy. It didn’t take long for us both to cum. He collapsed on my chest his chest heaving with every breath. I gently ran my hands down his back soothingly and before I knew it I could hear gentle snores and realized he had fallen asleep. Adam was trying to take over again and I kept resisting to the best of my abilities but since I’d fallen in love with Sauli my defenses weren’t quite as strong. I didn’t know if I would ever get to see him again so I regretfully woke him up. He looked at me with sleepy eyes and smiled sheepishly._

_“Sorry baby … guess I tired myself out.”_

_“Look … I don’t have much time. He’s trying to take back over again and I don’t know how much longer I can hold him off. I love you so much Sauli … thank you.”_

_“For what?” He smiled at me cheekily and it damn near made my heart melt._

_“For believing in me … for showing me that I’m not evil. For trusting me even though I have given you every reason not to.”_

_“You are a part of the love of my life. I’m going to do my best to integrate you both I promise. It’s not goodbye … just goodnight ok?”_

_He reached up and gave me one more passionate kiss as everything went black and I was ripped away._ I opened my eyes to discover that the both of us were naked and the smell of sex hung in the air. I tightened my muscles lightly pushing Sauli’s naked body off me. He looked at me confused and went to touch my face. I slinked away from his touch and he gave me a heartbreaking look.

“Addy … what’s wrong?”

“You … you had sex with him.”

“I had sex with you … why don’t you understand that you are one and the same. Stop trying to fight him! Why are you so afraid of him?”

“I … I’m not afraid.” I hung my head and let out a pained sigh. “He hurt you Sauli … I hurt you.”

“You didn’t mean it …” He sadly muttered obviously upset from me pushing him away.

“I still did it …”

“He let me ride him you know? If he was so bad and still wanted to hurt me do you think he’d let me have control like that?”

Hearing that I relaxed a little. Maybe this ‘ _thing_ ’ really wasn’t all that bad? “No … I guess not.”

“He’s good baby … he’s just you. He’s the part of you that likes to tease and come up with crazy ideas for sex. The part of you that grabs my ass playfully in public just because you can and like to see me squirm. You don’t have to be separated anymore you know. You could go back to being one …”

I just stayed quiet as Sauli stared in my eyes. Is that what I wanted?


	8. It's Time

** Sauli **

I straightened my tie and looked outside the window at the beautiful palm trees right outside. Today was the big day and I couldn’t be more excited. There was a knock at the door and my friend Katri poked her head in.

“Sweetheart it’s time.”

I smiled at her and walked over. She wrapped her arms around me and smiled. She was going to walk with me so I grabbed her hand. The doors opened and all eyes in the room were on me. I tensed for a moment but then I saw a set of kind eyes waiting at the end for me. A smile filled my face and I confidently made my way across the room to him. When I got there I kissed Katri and she went to sit. I couldn’t believe this was finally happening as we were pronounced husbands. The kiss we shared was short and simple yet still made my blood boil … it always did. We had the party to end all parties EVERYONE who was special in our lives were there. Adam had left about 20 minutes before I did seeing as he was starting to get tired. When I got back to our house I walked up to the bedroom and saw that he was already in bed. I got changed and walked over to him laying down on his chest snuggling close. He woke up and let out a happy sigh as I playfully nibbled at his neck.

“My sweet hubby … I love you so much.”

“I love you too sunshine …”

When we were alone it was always my favorite because I could see the man he truly was. The one he couldn’t show when others were around. I gently patted his face staring into his beautiful eyes, one ocean blue … one golden and I knew I was safe.


End file.
